A persons mind cannot be substituted by another but only persuaded by it. With this I’m learning a lot. I cannot force you to understand or see things my way I can only explain them my best and pray someday all this hurt isn’t in vain. I’m sorry this is happening but there is no prevention for it and life is to grand for me to accept being isolated rather then free. I am the feather that follows the wind. You knew that from the beginning, so why you tried to change it I’ll never know. The saying if you let something free and it returns to you it’s truly yours is true. I was always truly yours until your jealousy took over your faith in me. Wether u want me to hate you or not, I still love you. I hope you understand
Tonight
Tonight I think of you and cry. Think of the shared nights under the stars, shared tickle fights, and nights fighting to cuddle with the blanket in a room with no heater. Tonight I remember, and cry, wishing I didn’t. Tonight, another side of you was introduced to me, that suggests our relationship was a lie. The guy I loved, loved me too. I remember falling off your bed, midnight trips to the lake, sneaking me in your house, and you cooking me dinner. I remember. And it hurts so bad, because I look at you now and don’t see the person I gave my heart away to anymore. I don’t know who you are, or why you changed, but I hope you know, this girl misses you. The real you, not this man you can’t even be proud to look back at in the mirror. Tonight, just looking at the stars reminded me of that first night we sat outside, talked for hours, the night I fell for you. I remembered the wonder, the hope and faith, and security u gave me. From that thought shredded the first time you played your guitar for me, and I saw through you. From this the flashes began and here I am still crying. You want to know why I won’t come back to you? There is no man left, of who I once loved. I still love him, but he ran away. And with him he took my heart, his own confidence, his own dreams, his way of life, and was forced to start over. I don’t know who u are anymore.. But please, let me know when u find yourself again..
happiness
happiness strikes you in wierd ways. for me, its overwhelming everything around me, trying to let me be strong. whether its the hope i see in the girls involved in my assembly, the people that have been there for me lately and new friends im making, or the acceptance and encouragement from others from the hard work ive been doing to install self respect back into my school. im happy in a sense, but i feel like my life is starting over. but none the less it is change and change never fails to scare the shit out of me.. but hey, what is a life without facing and overcoming your fear. im making a difference and living well, why cant that feel like enough for me? sometimes i just dont know. but thank you to every friend who has helped me through the loss of my first love, it means alot. ill be okay, i can see that now.
im losing my lover and best friend.. all because i failed my biggest struggle.. gaining his trust back. i dont know whether to blame him or myself.. i did try so hard.. i do wanna marry him.. but all good things come to an end right.. ive never felt this way before. i cant even feel the tears falling, i only know they are there from the blurr in my eyes. maybe it was the right guy at the wrong time for me.. or maybe it was just wrong all together. either way im sorry. sorry i couldnt be trusted. sorry i gave you a reason not to trust me. sorry i cant be stronger. sorry i cant take you back this time. sorry i ruinned us. my life honestly wont ever be the same. i owe so much to you. thanks for giving me confidence back. for encouraging and rekendling my dreams. for letting love and hope settle in my heart again, and once upon a time saving me from suicide. i know i owe you, i just cant hurt anymore.. :’(
